Into the Unknown

Got an email two weeks ago from NASA that said all the Highly Qualified applicants have had their references checked (none of mine were). Confirmation that I am out of the running for the new class of astronaut candidates, as expected. 12,000 applicants gets reduced to 400 Highly Qualified applicants. They then pick 120 of those to interview. Maybe I was 401. Grateful to have a little certainty at least, even if it’s not the outcome I had hoped for. Onwards to explore the Earth.

Initially, this winter, I had to choose between pursuing NASA and staying at Berkshire School. After 25 years of chasing a dream, I chose to pursue NASA despite being up against 12,000 other people. Once NASA was off the table, I did have a chance to return for another year of teaching. However, the wheels were in motion and there are some other dreams that need chasing. It is not easy to leave this place. I have a wonderful home, wonderful friends, sports, music, a wonderful classroom to teach in, and wonderful students who it would have been fun to teach another year. Many times I’ve wondered, “What the hell am I doing?” Trying to trust my gut.

Berkshire’s 2021 graduation ceremony was a poignant time. In some ways, it felt like my graduation. Both like a graduation after 6 good years at Berkshire School, and also as a master’s degree graduation that I never had because of Covid. The best part was that there were a number of Berkshire alumni there who are now in engineering college programs and loving it. That these three students (and others who were not in attendance) are now pursuing engineering degrees/careers because of what they were introduced to in my class is incredible. To know that I have helped give them options to good and interesting careers, even if they don’t pursue engineering is something will forever be grateful for. If you have not thanked a teacher that has had a positive effect on your life, it’s never too late!

My summer is fully booked with NOLS, some time on the Vineyard, some Makerspace consulting (Spacewalk Makerspace Consulting) in Hawaii, and some personal sailing in Maine, but come September, I have a blank slate. The questions of what I will do, where I will earn a paycheck and how I will make it all work beg to be answered. More uncertainty for uncertain times. I expect higher highs but lower lows. I expect wonderful times seeing friends I haven’t seen in years, but I also expect lonelier times than I’ve had in awhile. My home out here has become a sanctuary of peace. It’s been an amazing place of solitude after the busy days on a school campus. I’m nervous and scared to leave it, but hope I can return here and there for some peace stoking.

In the meantime, in a little more than a week, I’ll be heading to Alaska to work a short NOLS course. I was hoping to fly myself there, but with borders to Canada still closed, I’ll be flying commercially. The course will be taught with a good friend as a co-instructor and four adult students.

Strangely enough, there is an open seat on a space mission (Axiom-2) for civilians. One of the remaining seats will apparently go to the winner of a Discovery Channel reality show winner of Who Wants To Be An Astronaut? I’ve heard from a friend who was almost on a reality show that it’s a soul crushing world of competition and manipulation, but I still may throw my hat in the ring and see what happens, as they are now taking applicants.

Otherwise for the fall, there is still a chance of working in Antarctica, sailing with Sea Education Association, NOLS work and sometimes I think maybe I should just head out to sea with Daphne, my little sailing ship. We shall see as the summer plays out.

A dear friend shared a familiar quote with me yesterday: “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” Time has been moving a bit too quickly recently, the lines on my face getting a little too deep, the days/weeks/months a bit too predictable and comfortable, even if good in a lot of ways.

I’ve left a lot of places and it is never easy to say goodbye to the people I love. Over the years, I’ve learned to not make decisions to avoid sadness. I like how, in the movie Nomad, they said, “See you down the road,” instead of “Goodbye”. Or from the movie, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, when Gilbert (Johnny Depp) says, “I don’t know what to say,” as he’s saying goodbye to his summer fling, his brother Arnie (Leonardo DiCaprio) says, “say, Thank you.”

Soon, I’ll be heading out, trying desperately to trust in myself and the universe and to be open to the unknown adventures ahead. Even when land, the ground, and the flatlands are comfortable and good, there’s still value to be found at sea, in the sky, in the mountains and in the travels and time in between.

“Security and luxury shield us from life.  You never see the sky until you’ve looked up at the stars for safety.  You never feel the air unless you’ve been shaken by its storms.  You can never understand the ocean until you’ve been alone in its solitude.  To appreciate fully, you must have intercourse with the elements themselves…Know their whims, their beauty, their dangers.  Then every tissue of your being sees and feels, and body, mind, spirit become one with the Earth.  Only then will you truly see and feel.” – Charles Lindberg

“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for.” Time to cast off the bowlines to see what’s over the horizon on this planet Earth.